وَلا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُمْ بِهِ مِنْ خِطْبَةِ النِّسَاءِ أَوْ أَكْنَنْتُمْ فِي أَنْفُسِكُمْ عَلِمَ اللَّهُ أَنَّكُمْ سَتَذْكُرُونَهُنَّ وَلَكِنْ لا تُوَاعِدُوهُنَّ سِرّاً إِلَّا أَنْ تَقُولُوا قَوْلاً مَعْرُوفاً وَلا تَعْزِمُوا عُقْدَةَ النِّكَاحِ حَتَّى يَبْلُغَ الْكِتَابُ أَجَلَهُ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ يَعْلَمُ مَا فِي أَنْفُسِكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوهُ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌ.[2]
«و هيچ گناهى بر شما نيست كه در مورد خواستگارى زنان (پس از مرگ همسرانشان) به طور سر بسته بدان سخن بگوييد، يا [آن را] در دلتان پوشيده داريد. خدا مىداند كه شما بزودى به ياد آنان خواهيد افتاد؛ و ليكن پنهانى با آنها قرار [زناشوئى] نگذاريد، مگر آنكه (به كنايه) سخن پسنديدهاى بگوييد؛ و به پيوند ازدواج تصميم مگيريد، تا (عدّه وفات) نوشته شده به سرآمدش برسد. و بدانيد كه خدا آنچه را در دلهايتان داريد، مىداند. پس از [مخالفتِ] او بپرهيزيد؛ و بدانيد كه خدا، بسيار آمرزنده بردبار است.»
نكتهها و اشارهها
1. آيهى فوق در مقام پاسخگويى به اين پرسش است كه آيا مىتوان از بانوانى كه در حال عِدّهى وفات هستند، خواستگارى و يا با آنان ازدواج كرد؟
براى پاسخ به اين پرسش، قرآن دستور جالبى را مطرح كرده است كه هم احترام زوج سابق حفظ مىشود و هم زن از تعيين سرنوشت خويش محروم نمىگردد وهم عادلانه و محترمانه است؛ مىفرمايد: اگر كسى خواست از اينگونه زنان خواستگارى كند، مانعى ندارد، ولى بايد سربسته و كنايهآميز باشد و به صورت بى پرده و صريح نباشد. البته تصميم به ازدواج با اينگونه زنان براى بعد از عِدّهى وفات و بدون آنكه اظهارى دربارهى آن بشود نيز گناهى ندارد.
2. از اين آيه متوجه مىشويم كه علاوه بر لزوم خوددارى از خواستگارى آشكار، در پنهان نيز نبايد با صراحت از بانوان شوهر از دست داده خواستگارى كرد، تا مدّت عدّه تمام شود، مگر اينكه صحبت در اين مورد همراه با ادب اجتماعى و، به تعبير قرآن، پسنديده (مَعرُوف) باشد؛ يعنى در پرده و با كنايه صورت گيرد.
3. قرآن كريم واژهى «معروف» يا پسنديده را در بسيارى از موارد، كه از ازدواج سخن مىگويد به كار برده است. اين نشان مىدهد كه هرگونه تصميم در مورد ازدواج، طلاق و مسائل خانوادگى، بايد عاقلانه، شايسته و متناسب با موقعيّت زمانى و مكانى باشد.
4. بين سه چيز جمع كنيد: ميل فطرى به ازدواج، احترام به همسر فوت شده و رعايت حكم الهى عدّه، هر سه را محترم شماريد و حرمتهاى اجتماعى را نشكنيد و به صورت شايسته عمل كنيد و تا هنگامى كه عدّهى وفات زن به پايان نرسيده، عقد ازدواج با او نبنديد.
آموزهها و پيامها
1. احترام مردان فوت شده و همسران آنها را نگاه داريد و در عدّهى وفات به طور صريح از آنان خواستگارى نكنيد.
2. هرگونه ازدواج، خواستگارى صريح و قرار زناشويى در مدّت عدّهى وفات ممنوع است.
3. ميل طبيعى شما به ازدواج، موجب حرمتشكنى در اجتماع نشود.
4. از خدا پروا كنيد و خط قرمزهاى اجتماعى را نشكنيد.
5. گفتوگوهاى پيش از ازدواج، پسنديده (و طبق عرف شايستهى اجتماعى) باشد.
92 پاسخ
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